LJ tells me that I haven't updated in something like 13 weeks. Not terribly surprising, it has been a strange ride for a while now. I'm presently in a hospital in Victoria watching over two senior generations of Tams sleeping. One is my dad, exhausted from the drive and the other is my recovering grandfather who had a stroke a few days ago. It's far too easy to see myself on the little fold away bed as the son, or even curled up with wires covering me. Three men in a room. May as well be one man in the room, just a matter of years.

Can't help but think of Carver in this. I was trapped like so many people in his stories. There's a path that is walked, even like mine that was filled with questions, and then it is shaken. This semester has been like that. I saw my path and threw myself into it, but I nearly drowned. I thought I had my health, all the time in the world, but even that is not for sure. The world gives you what you need though. Sometimes it seems senseless or inevitable - it even can be - but there's always motion.

I'll be 26 in another 5 hours, oddly enough. I wasn't terribly sure of what my actual age was until this afternoon when Carly asked me. I'll be headed out her way later this week for a celebration with Buffy and cake. I think I've reconnected with people more in the last few months than in the last year. I had a conversation with my dad only a few hours ago that makes me think I'm doing all right. All of this thinking about the world stuff happened to him, too. It lasted for two years after his first degree before he finally burned everything and decided to concentrate on the living of life instead of its mechanism. I feel like I'm heading there myself. Big ideas are fine, but clouds don't equal work. And I will be working again soon.

My degree work is going to be pouring over into next semester, but that's fine. I got sick for a bit, but that's over with for the most part. I think I lost a friend this year, but I found connections with people, old and new, to help give me ballast. I marvel at the people that I know. Each of you that I've seen in the last few months has given me something that I needed to patch up holes in myself. Thank you. I hope that I can be there for you like you have been for me. I love you people.

They should be transporting him back to the nursing home in another 9 and a half hours. I should be able to sleep by then. Just have to keep watching these men sleep.

Well folks, I'm done. Last day of work. And it was a little strange. I injured myself, found passport photo cameras from the 60s, was given a cake, hugged, and walked out without any sort of stunt. I have some time now, to get things in order before  I officially start my merry ride into graduation. My head is in a weird place because of the change and I really have a lot of organization to do... but for the moment, I need to get back into my car.

It's not often that I am awake for this long, so I figured that I would take the opportunity to reflect. First of all, I hope to never do an overnight at work again unless I successfully take a nap in the afternoon. I will bring more music next time, not just conjure obscure things from youtube. Though, really, it was not so bad. I remembered a lot of songs and it was enough to stave off Shakira for a little while at least. I'm offf to clean my neurons now. Tata.

In an effort to help my writing along, I went to bed a little bit earlier than usual last night. My brain really has no problem presenting me with bizarre scenarios. For example, I remember clearly standing on top of a filing cabinet in a glass cubicle and shooting a t-rex in the face with a sniper rifle. It was a reddish color, and through the scope, had rubies for eyes. These I carefully removed with successive, high-caliber rounds. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure of the scenario in this one. Some of the worlds I go to don’t have any lore to speak of. There were many people, buildings, hatches, mechanical rooms. Might have been on a space ship.

The second, however, seemed to have a lot of back story. It took place in the desert. A king had challenged a group of princes, perhaps suitors, to a battle of wits and strength. Oddly enough, I was among the princes. More oddly, so was my dad. The part I remember most clearly was the raising of a two or three story sod tower, using clay, sand, water and wheat stalks. I stood on top of mine, finished, planting my flag and looking out into a purple sky. The descent through the labyrinthine workings of the tower nearly crushed me. I had never built anything like it before and soon found myself stuck near the entrance, arms pinned with collapsed earth. I broke free and emerged from the tiny entrance hole I had dug. One of the other princes greeted me. This one happened to be Alexander Siddig from DS9. I can understand the reference, as he was in Kingdom of Heaven, too.

He commented on his tower, finally finished, then commented on my dad’s. Somehow, being an engineer helps. There were tiny waterwheels and construction equipment for making sod bricks. I saw him for a second, evoking Benjamin Franklin with long hair and tiny spectacles. With the fading sun, Siddig climbed his tower and fired a flaming arrow into the sky. The next challenge would be had. The king’s man shouted instructions: construct a weapon for the test of arms. The rest of the princes rode into the hills, seeking metals for swords or guns and clay to smelt them down. I eyed a nearby tree and wondered if the king would let me chop it down so I could make a bow, too.

Something is really, really off right now. It feels like there's air oscillating or a train is passing by a block away. I can feel my bed vibrating as I lie still, I can hear it in my ears as if I'm driving sixty down the highway with my windows down. I can't tell if I'm the one vibrating or the whole apartment. I think I wished too hard that I could go sight-seeing in the valley of Mar. Either way, I'm going back into the dark. I'll try to take notes once the bridge drops.

If this was one of those modern art pieces, I would call it that... but it was a dream.